i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
