She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
