He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
