My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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