Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
