I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
