For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
