Christians are straight up FREAKS
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
