Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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