That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize