It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
