i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
