I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everclear isn't food dammit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
