I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
