This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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