Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
