I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
