unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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