A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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