we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
