I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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