so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
