His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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