"it" just moved
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
