That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
