shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
