Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
