I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
