I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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