Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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