My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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