The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
there is glitter all over my balls
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
