would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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