your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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