He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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