i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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