someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
