oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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