Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
