You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
