So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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