Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
