WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize