I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
