Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
