my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
