i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
