32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
