nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
