puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
