Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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