just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
