I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
