Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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