At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize