What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
