I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
