My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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