Got a toothbrush?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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