two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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