it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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