wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
