The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
