How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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