Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
