I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
