I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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