Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize